How to Be More Affectionate

How to Be More Affectionate

- in Relationship

Method 1 of 3: Increasing Affection with Touch

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    Recognize your discomfort with caressing, hugging, holding hands, or cuddling.
    Many people are uncomfortable with touch because of personality or
    family history. Talk to someone about it, write about it, or set a
    reminder until you form a habit of physical affection.

    • Talk to your partner about it. Improving communication may lead to a closer and more affectionate relationship.
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    Schedule cuddle time with kids or spouses.
    Not being affectionate may be a time issue, so put it on your schedule.
    Date night, story time, and even TV watching time can be combined with

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    Hold hands.
    Whether it is with your partner or your kids, holding hands is easy and
    cements your bond. Perhaps it is the easiest way to immediately
    increase your physical affection for another person.

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    Include physical touch in a list of health goals.
    Having contact with your kids and partner can release oxytocin, the
    cuddle hormone, which lowers blood pressure. It can also help you
    control the stress hormone cortisol.[3]

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    List healthy ways that you can be physically affectionate—in your mind or on paper. Make a goal to do them all at various points throughout the week.

    • Although some articles report that it takes 21 days to
      form a habit, it depends upon the person. Continue referencing this list
      for several months to permanently change how affectionate you are.
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    Try massaging. A back or neck massage is a great way to give physical affection. Your partner may enjoy it and return the favor.

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Method 2 of 3: Increasing Verbal Affection

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    Don’t let text or email replace verbal affection. Pick up the phone to check in, because it’s more personal, even if it takes more time.

    • If you must use these modes of communication, sign off
      with a phrase like “Thinking of you” or “Miss you” instead of a
      something generic. [4]
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    Understand that long-distance relationships require more verbal affection. If possible, use Skype or Google Hangout so you can make eye contact and pick up on physical cues while talking.

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    Compliment someone every day. Compliments to children and spouses make them feel more fulfilled.

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    Greet your partner or children when they get home from work. Stop what you are doing and interact so they know you care.

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    Nickname your partner or children. A positive nickname shows that you have a special bond.

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    Take the time to say “thank you.
    Think of all the things the other person does for you or the ways they
    improve your life. Look them in the eyes and express your appreciation
    in a few sentences.

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    Don’t assume that “I love you” is the only way to express affection.
    If you are not saying it, you should try to make it a regular part of
    your vocabulary. Phrases like “You’re great”, and “I’m so lucky to have
    you”, are also good ways to show affection.

Method 3 of 3: Developing Habits to Increase Affection

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    Return others’ affection automatically.
    Answer cues by returning hugs, complimenting, saying “I Love You,”
    kissing someone on the cheek, or high fiving. Ignoring the urge to
    hesitate during these moments is important.

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    Don’t let only one parent be the “affectionate parent” and the other be the “serious parent.
    In decades past, it was not as culturally important for dads to be
    affectionate to kids; however, times have changed. Affection levels are
    based on habit as well as personality.

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    Make eye contact while you are cuddling, holding hands, or giving a compliment. Studies have shown that staring into the eyes of someone you love (even a pet) can increase oxytocin hormone levels.

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    Don’t be afraid to talk to a professional counselor or therapist if you have no desire to show affection.
    Relationships take work; don’t associate couple’s counseling with
    weakness. If you feel affection but cannot express it, a one-on-one
    session might be better.

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    Give yourself macro goals and micro quotas.
    Motivational strategists believe that good habits can be established by
    dreaming big about the way you would like things to be, such as being a
    more affectionate parent. Then, give yourself micro quotas, such as “I
    am going to spend 20 minutes conversing directly with my children every


Source: wikihow

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